Who I am Hates Who I've Been
by WilsonHope2
Summary: Based off the song "Who i am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K. Not only about Jess helping Rory fix her mistakes but Rory seeing all what Jess has become. sorry bad summary. DISCONTINUED
1. A Disappointing Rory

After an exhausting night with a drunken Logan, Colin, and Finn Rory was looking forward to get some sleep. She parked into her grandparents driveway and turned the engine off. After she got out of the car and slammed the door she heard a creek from the gate and quickly spun around. Getting ready to run or scream or do something in defense she was suddenly stopped by a nervous yet calm face of an unexpected guest.

"Jess" was pretty much all she could get out at the time.

"Hey"Jess replied

"Hey"she repeated

"I...im sorry that wasn't a sentence" she struggled to speak as she remembered the last time she saw him.

"I got the gist"Jess spoke waking towards her.

"What are you doing here?"she asked actually more eager to know them how she appeared.

"I got a job...professional driveway skulker."He joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Pays good?"Rory played along

"Yeah but the hours suck."

"Jess..."Rory gave in.

As they stood outside and talked for a few more minutes Rory had invited Jess in to continue their conversation. They snuck through the house and into Rory's bedroom and Jess was immediately struck with confusion. They shared some more pointless small talk until Jess finally asked the million dollar question getting to the subject of _her._

"Isn't school in session?"

"Yeah"she replied

"why aren't you living on campus?"he questioned

"because im not going"her tone becoming dull.

"You graduated already doogie?"Jess asked excited

"No im just taking some time off"

"time off"Jess repeated suddenly saddened.

As they went on to talk about Jess and his new book Rory found herself thinking about how she had gotten through to Jess but was then suddenly shot down at the fact of where she was and what she was doing with her own life. After the scare of Rory thinking she heard footsteps Jess decided it was probably time for him to go.

"So I just basically wanted to show you that and tell you...tell you I couldn't have done it with out you."Rory was shocked at his words and found her self speechless for few seconds.

"Thanks"

"Im going to be in town for a few days could we talk again preferably above whisper?" Jess asked. Rory gave a small giggle then replied

"Yeah I'd like that"

"Eight okay?"

"Yeah"

"Ill sneak out on my own"Jess said walking to the door. He bent door and picked up the pillow and handed it to Rory.

"Hey your book" Rory said holding the book out.

"Oh it's yours"Jess answered closing the door behind him. Rory hugged the book and walked over to her bed and immediately starting to flip through the pages of his book even though she was much to tired to read anything. Just seeing him again and everything he's become made her think of how much of a disappointment she's becoming to everyone that knew she was much stronger than how she was appearing to be.

**A/N- _okay so i know that this chapter is short but i am just catching everybody up before i go and you know like create my own dialogue so...this is my first story i am going to make it as good as possible but i am new at this so reviews are much needed!! nest chapter will be better and a lot less familiar i guess_:**


	2. Girl Talk and Coffee Dates

The dinner with Jess and Logan had been a complete disaster and once again Jess was leaving but this time Rory really couldn't blame him. She ran after Jess trying to think of things to say or how to start apologizing. When she caught up with him and was ready to give him her long speech of explanations she was cut off by him.

"What's going on with you"Jess asked getting frustrated.

"What do you mean?"Rory pretended not to understand his question.

"You know what I mean I know you I know you better than anybody this isn't you."

"I don't know"

"What are you doing living at your grandparents house, being in the DAR, no Yale why did you drop out of Yale?'Jess asked rising his voice.

"It's complicated"Rory tried to defend herself.

"It's not it's not complicated"

"You don't know."

""This isn't you this you going out with this jerk with a Porsche we made fun of guys like that."

"You caught him on a bad night"

"This isn't about him. Okay screw him. What's going on with you this isn't you Rory you know it isn't what's going on?" He questioned trying to get through to her that what she's doing is insane.

Rory stopped talking for a few seconds realizing that he was right. What was she doing? She was giving up everything her and her mom had worked so hard and so long to get. She kept staring at the ground to embarrassed to make eye contact but as always Jess' eyes forced hers up to his. Staying silent fo a few more seconds before Rory broke it.

"Your right. You are absolutely right. Im handling this whole thing wrong. The one person that I really need to talk to I cant because of this stupid fight." Rory started to burst out crying and going on about how she is screwing everything up and hoping that nobody was watching her but knowing everyone was. Jess knew that what he was about to do might be a little awkward but couldn't stand to see her cry. So he held Rory in a hug as she cried into his jacket.

"Rory shh it's okay you'll fix this." Jess spoke softly trying to calm her down. Rory's crying turned

into soft whimpers and then she pulled away from Jess wiping her eyes.

"Well I think there were about a million other ways I would have preferred this night to go like."Rory nervously laughed.

"Are you okay?"Jess asked in a serious tone.

"Yeah. Yeah im..fine,"She struggled to get out "Um...so... how much longer are you going to be in town for?"

"Well im here all day tomorrow then the next day I have to leave and get back to work."Jess replied

"Sometime tomorrow can we please just start this whole catching up thing over. I promise it will just be us and I wont cry." Rory asked in a hopeful voice.

"Yeah. Coffee?"

"Coffee."Rory agreed. They had decided on a small coffee shop that they both knew where it was. Then Jess left and Rory called Lane.

* * *

"Hello"

"Hey Lane are you busy?"Rory asked.

"No why is everything okay?"

"Oh well im not really sure. Can you just come and pick me up and please allow me to stay with you tonight?"

"Yeah of coarse why?"Lane asked nervously

"Ill tell you when you get here but I just really need to get out of here."Rory spoke

"Okay im coming right now."

* * *

Rory went back inside to wait for Lane and maybe talk to Logan but she found he wasn't there. When Lane and Rory got back to Lane's house they had a major girls night of talking and eating gallons of ice cream. Rory couldn't believe what had happened that night and was sure she never wanted to repeat it.

"So your having coffee with Jess tomorrow?"Lane asked for like the fifth time.

"No. The first couple of times I told you yes I was just kidding."Rory said sarcastically.

"Okay. Okay sorry it's just weird."

"Weird. Why?" Rory asked

"You and Jess going on a date again. I mean it's not that I don't like him it's just that it has been so long and..."Rory cut her off.

"It's not a date we are just catching up."

"I thought that was what tonight was for."Lane asked with a smirk on her face.

"It was until Logan came and ruined everything. Jeez have you even been listening?"

"Yes I have but you know as well as I do that this is not just a catching up coffee date."Lane admitted,

"Oh really than what else is it because I thought that it was just a catching up coffee date."

"AH-HA"lane shouted

"ah-ha what?"Rory asked confused.

"You admit it's a date."

"Lane it's not a date. People with boyfriends do not have dates with ex...boyfriends."Rory was confused at her own sentence.

"Oh right Logan what did he say?"Lane asked

"Well I never got to talk to him he left before I went back in to the Pub."I answered.

"To be honest I like Jess way better than I like Logan"Lane admitted.

"Lane..."Rory exhaled.

"Hey right now you do to."

"True."Rory and Lane laughed. Sometime around 2:30 the girls finally got some sleep.

**A/N- _okay so it's a little longer and not as much like the show!! review please!_**


	3. The Truth Comes Out

Rory quickly paced into the small coffee house in Hartford knowing that she was ten minutes late for her "get together" with Jess. She noticed him sitting in a private back corner and quickly walked to the table.

"hey I am so sorry I'm late. traffic." Rory apologized as she took off her coat and sat down noticing he had already ordered her a giant mug of hot coffee.

"It's okay I've got the rest of the day" Jess spoke

"Oh right you best-seller how is that going so far" Rory questioned.

"I am so no where near being a best-seller but uh it's going pretty well" He answered.

"That's good" Rory said and then took a long satisfying sip of her coffee. They sat and talked about pretty much everything they had been doing in the last couple of years. Sharing detailed and pointless stories with one another. Asking each other questions and shooting back sarcastic comments. They discussed books they had read and people they had met all while enjoying each others company.

"So about last night..." Rory said tensing the air around them.

"It's okay" Jess replied simply

"It's not okay. It is so far from okay. That's not how I wanted you to see me and that's really not how you should've been treated. I'm so sorry Jess." Rory explained.

Jess took a long deep breath then answered.

"I don't like this."

"Like what?"Rory asked confused.

"I don't like seeing you like this. I know it's not who you are and I know it's not who you want to be. "

Rory looked down at the empty coffee cups scattered all across the table.

"I thought that you wanted to be a Journalist? You know the dream of being an overseas correspondent?" Jess bent his head down trying to make eye contact.

"I do." Rory glared up at him slightly raising her voice.

"And you think what you're doing now is helping?" Jess asked matching her tone.

Rory's eyes locked with Jess' before her body un tense and her head once again dropped in shame. Jess watched her as he ran a hand through his hair. Rory lifted her head up but still not able to look him in the eye.

"no." she answered simply. "no I don't I don't think it's helping I know that I messed everything up and I just...I just don't know how to fix any of it." Rory exhaled as her voice got shaky because of the tears that were threatening to fall.

Jess noticed her eyes getting glassy and he placed his hand on to hers rubbing small circles with his fingers.

"Rory I know that you can fix this. You just need a little encouragement." Jess said

"Well im so glad that my encouragement is so encouraging because I have no idea where to start." She answered looking up at him.

"I think you do." Rory gave jess a confused expression. "Your going to make a list." he finished.

"Ooo I love lists" Rory replied excitedly taking out a pad and a pen from her bag. Her tears completely forgotten now.

"Ill help you start with the major things.'' he offered. "Okay first thing you need to do is move out of hellville at any cost." Rory let a giggle escape her lips at his suggestion.

"Second thing is talk to your mom because even though you two are dangerous when together the world get's a little closer to coming to and end when your not. Thing number 3 call the intimidating admission office people and get yourself back enrolled at Yale." Jess said pointing at her with a serious face. The fourth thing is to find a place on or near campus to live."

"Awe shoot. That reminds me I need to talk to Paris." Rory said as she stopped scribbling down the "Things to do" list.

"Yeah add that and... what number are we on now?"Jess asked

"six" Rory answered.

"Okay this one is most important so bold it highlight it put a star by it whatever you need to do to make sure that task six get's completed."Jess said with a smirk on his face.

"okay"

"for number six put break up with the jerk I call a boy friend." At that Rory became suddenly saddened because she remembered that she hadn't talk to him since last night. Then her expression turned in to what Jess could tell was clearly a small fake smile.

"So what happened after I left?"Jess asked curiously

"Well I went back inside to wait for lane to come pick me up and he wasn't there so I haven't talked to him since then."

Rory replied.

"And that's the way it should be." Jess said.

"Jess I know that he was a jerk to you but he's really not usually like that." Rory defended Logan.

"But how can he just allow you to be doing this to your self?"Jess asked.

"He couldn't stop me, Paris couldn't stop me, and my mom couldn't stop me." Rory explained.

"Well than how come I can?" Jess questioned.

Rory was silent trying to understand why exactly Jess made her see what her best friend couldn't. Why was it only him that was finally getting through to her. She waited a few more seconds before she answered.

"I don't know...I guess it's because you're the only person who I have shared my true life goals with. You know beyond graduating Yale and being a journalist. You know what I have to be doing to accomplish them because I have only ever told you." Rory said feeling very sentimental yet cheesy at the same time but meaning every word.

"oh" was all that Jess could say at the truth she just shared with him.

They both locked eyes with each other feeling something for the other they hadn't felt in a long time. They felt comfortable and safe and able to be themselves. As well as the little spark they felt every time they would make eye contact or touch each other.


	4. Goodbye Logan, Hello Sookie?

In a weeks time Rory had managed to do 5 of the 6 major items on her list that Jess helped her put together. She hadn't seen or heard from him in a week but she promised she would call to keep him updated. Things had been so hectic she hadn't been able to do that either. She also hadn't seen or heard from Logan in over a week. Rory had decided to wait until Logan came to her because she felt she did nothing wrong. He wasn't on her mind much anyway getting her life back together and all.

"Hey guys is there coffee because fixing your mistakes really does not leave you much time for sleep." Rory said entering the kitchen of her new apartment shared with Paris and Doyle.

"There certainly is" Doyle said getting up and pouring Rory a cup of coffee.

"Doyle honey how many pancakes do you want?" Paris asked

"Four would just be terrific." He said while handing the cup to Rory.

"Okay what is wrong with you two?"Rory asked sitting down at that table.

"Why whatever do you mean?"Paris asked

"Why are you guys acting so fake?"

"It's role play."Paris said in a duh tone

"I see and why are you doing role play?"Rory questioned

"Well Doyle read some where that if you do role play it increases the sexual tension." Paris answered

"Okay Paris first of all I don't think they meant during breakfast and second of all please leave me out of this." Rory pleaded

"Oh yeah a couple in their twenties having a daughter also in her twenties. How might that story go?" Paris said sarcastically.

"You know we could do a three's company type of thing."Doyle offered, Paris came over, slammed the plate down, and gave him a death glare. "Or not" he changed his mind

"That's really okay the coffee's all I wanted." Rory said as she stood and walked back into her room getting her stuff together for the library.

* * *

On her way to the library Rory got a call from her mom.

"Hello"

"guess what?"

"Mom?"

"Guess what?"

"What?"Rory asked.

"I got Luke to go shopping with me today." Lorelai shouted excitedly.

"Oh really how did you do that?"

"Well it was during round two and..." Lorelai was cut off.

"Uh-huh nuff said."Rory replied. "So when you say shopping you really mean he's going to be standing for hours, watching you try on clothes, and giving you opinion that you don't even use all while knowing that he's only there to hold your bags and shofar you around." Rory ranted.

"Exactly!" Lorelai said "You know you could come if you want. It would make it more fun" Lorelai started to speak in a high tempting voice.

"I wish I could but im swamped with things to do." Rory apologized

"I understand so when is the next time im going to see you. This year I hope?"Lorelai asked.

"Well the only things I have to do this weekend can all be done on a laptop"

"So..."Lorelai said

"So I guess this weekend you'll have your self a Rory to entertain"

"Looking forward to it."Lorelai replied.

"Hey mom I'm at the library I got to go"Rory said

"Okay bye hun"

"Bye mom"

* * *

Rory got back to her apartment that night at about seven and was shocked to find a Logan sitting next to the door. Rory walked to the door and started to unlock it as Logan stood up.

"Hey ace."Logan greeted but Rory stayed quite. "Rory?"

"What are you doing here?" Rory asked finally getting the door unlocked and walking in.

"I came here to talk to you."He said

"About what?"

"Us" He answered

"What about us?"

"Rory come on im sorry"Logan said

"Logan I haven't heard from you in over a week why are you coming to me now?"She asked getting angry.

"Because I miss you" Logan replied as he tried to step closer Rory stepped back.

"Logan I don't think that we should be together anymore."Rory said staring at the ground.

"What? We have one fight and your ready to give up."he said getting mad.

"Oh like your one to talk." She shot back.

"Is this about that guy. Rory is that why you don't want us to be together?"

"No, this is about me and not having the time or the patience to be in this relationship with you anymore."

"Rory your letting this guy change you."

No im letting _Jess_ fix me. I let you change me."She said stringing out his name.

"Fine. Goodbye Rory."Logan said calming his voice down but still pissed off.

As the door slammed shut Rory sat on the couch and buried her head in her hands. The ring of her cell phone suddenly filled the apartment.

"Hello"Rory said in a sad voice.

"Rory"

"Sookie?"

"Hey hon" she said in a groggy voice. "You need to come down to the hospital"

"What? Why?"Rory started to freak.

"It's for your mom and Luke." Sookie finished and with out another word Rory was in her car speedy to the hospital.

**A/N- CLIFFHANGER!! _okay so i know that everything except for the end was pretty pointless but I was just showing that her life really was getting back to normal. I have the whole rest of the story figured out so chapters will start coming faster. Also no worries Jess is coming back next chapter._**


	5. Big Trouble

Rory had made record timing driving from her apartment to the Hartford hospital, But in doing so she broke about 15 laws. She rushed through the building and made her way to the empty waiting room where she immediately noticed only Sookie and her mom sitting at.

"Mom!' Rory ran to her Lorelai as she stood up and they gave each other tight hugs."What happened?" Rory asked noticing the hot pink cast on her mothers arm.

"Okay first of all im fine I just fractured my wrist okay?" Lorelai said waiting for her daughter to calm down before she continued.

"Okay." Rory said.

"Me and Luke were driving home from are big shopping adventure and this guy beside us swerved and then Luke swerved and we ended up smashing in to a concrete wall." Lorelai said calm and slowly.

"Oh my god!" Rory shouted then questioned,"Where's Luke? Is he okay?"

"The doctor came out a few minutes ago and said that he cracked a rip and broke his left arm, And that they are going to run a few more tests on him making sure that everything else is okay then they'll get him all bandaged up and his own room then we will be able to see him."Lorelai spoke.

"So he's going to be okay?"Rory asked hopefully.

"Yeah that's what the doctor said." Lorelai replied.

"They also said they were going to keep him here for a few days and he'll have to take a break from work for about a month or so." Sookie added.

"Okay... good...so everything is good. Man I swear I thought I was going to have a heart attack." Rory spoke softly. Without another word Lorelai had Rory in another hug squeezing all the oxygen out of her .

"Sookie im going to take my mom down to get some coffee." Rory said as she was released from the firm grasp.

"Okay take your time girls."Sookie replied in understanding fully.

* * *

They were down at the cafeteria sitting across from each other drinking the really bad yet strong coffee mainly in silence.

"Mom are you okay?"Rory asked clearly shaking her mother from the thoughts that were preoccupying her mind.

Lorelai looked up at her daughter's worried face and answered "Yeah im fine."

"Hmm" Rory said raising her eyebrows.

"Not convincing enough?" Lorelai asked.

"No, not really." Rory replied shaking her head.

"Im just scared. It was a very scary night tonight." she said looking down.

"Yeah im sure."

"It's just..." tears were forming in Lorelai's eyes "something worse could have happened. Something really, really bad." now the tears were slowly water falling there way down her face.

"Mom shh... stop," Rory said moving to the other side of the table to comfort her mother.

"Luke's fine, your fine, everyone is fine quit thinking like that." Rory whispered.

"I know im sorry I just really need to see him. I need to make sure he's okay." Lorelai said.

"Okay come on let's go see if the doctor has come back out yet."Rory said grabbing her moms hand as they made there way back to the fourth floor.

* * *

As they approached the waiting room Rory and Lorelai were shocked to find the doctor speaking to both Sookie and Jess. They were all standing and nodding along to what the doctor was saying. Lorelai and Rory looked at each other.

"Um is that...?"Lorelai started to ask.

"I don't know it looks like him." Rory said.

"It cant be."

"It might be."

"No...," Lorelai said squinting to try and get a better look at the guy standing next to Sookie, "Oh my god it is."

As the doctor was leaving Rory and Lorelai made there way back over to the group with astonished faces.

"Im sorry I don't believe we've met before who are you?" Lorelai asked

With a smirk Jess replied, "Jess Mariano Luke's nephew."

"How did you know?" Lorelai questioned.

"Sookie called me."Jess replied.

"Well it is his uncle and I thought he had a right to know, I mean I never thought he'd come to see him." Sookie defended.

"No it's okay he deserves to know. It's fine that you're here Jess." Lorelai said.

"So what did the doctor say?"Rory asked.

"He said that Luke's fine and that we can start going to see him, But only two at a time they don't want him to be overwhelmed." Sookie replied.

"Oh good."Lorelai said.

"You go mom I'll take the second round." Rory said looking up at Jess.

"Yeah me too," Jess replied understanding the hint.

"Okay" Lorelai and Sookie said in unison eyeing the two before walking to Luke's room.

* * *

"Well, well, well I never thought I'd see the day that you would come and visit your loved ones when there in need." Rory said as they both walked to the chairs to sit.

"Could you not call Luke my loved one it's kinda creepy." Jess spoke. Rory gave a soft giggle.

"It's good that your here Jess."

"I was worried about him. Plus I heard this rumor that this is what responsible people are suppose to do so I thought I'd give it a try." Jess said with a smirk. Which made Rory smile.

When it was time for Rory and Jess to go see Luke their time was cut very short. Visiting hours were coming to a close and Lorelai and Sookie had taken forever. When they walked into the room Luke's face was tired but you could still see the faint smile he wore when he noticed Jess. After a few minutes of talking to him he drifted off to sleep right in the middle of a "Do you need anything?" question. Rory and Jess quietly snuck out of the room making sure not to wake him up and went back to Lorelai and Sookie. They stayed in the waiting room for another hour talking and everyone making sure Lorelai was okay.

"Alright it is now one in the morning and everyone needs to leave." Lorelai said standing up and everyone else following suit.

"We do not need to leave mom we are here for you and Luke,"Rory said.

"Okay well I agree they need to leave but im here." Sookie said.

"No your all leaving." Lorelai stated.

"I'm sorry mom but you just fractured your wrist there is no way were leaving you alone." Rory spoke.

"Yes, and of all people you should know how tired a person is after they fractured there wrist and how am I suppose to sleep with all of you here?" She asked.

"Mom im not letting you stay here alone."

"I wont be alone im sleeping in Luke's room they have cot all set up for me. Plus you would be no use anyway because your having trouble keeping your eyes open."

"Fine I will come and see you in the morning. Bright and Early." Rory said.

"Looking forward to it."Lorelai said as they shared a goodbye hug. "But seriously hon you look super tired I don't want you driving home."

"I'll take her" Jess said and everyone just stared at him.

"Another rumor?"Rory asked and Jess gave a small nod.

"That would be great thanks Jess and it really meant a lot that you came."Lorelai spoke.

"Yeah. I know." Jess replied.

"Okay everyone clear out." Lorelai said shooing them to the elevators while saying their goodbyes.

* * *

Jess was driving his car and Rory was in the passengers seat. Rory shifted in the comfortable seat and let a soft sigh escape her lips.

"Something wrong?"Jess asked looking over at her.

"Nope, Just a very long horrible day." She replied.

"Yeah. So how's your mom holding up?"

"Total wreak."

"She seemed fine."Jess replied.

"Key word: seemed."

"Ah steel on the outside, soft on the inside."

"Yep."Rory said.

"What about you?"Jess asked.

"Im...im just exhausted I guess that's the word that describes me right now."

"Hmm... something tells me it's not just about the accident."Jess said.

"That's because it's not" Rory replied.

"Is everything okay?" Jess asked getting worried.

"Yeah im just..."

"Exhausted?"

"Yeah."

The rest of the car ride was silent. About ten minutes later Jess looked back over at Rory and noticed she was a sleep. He thought she looked so peaceful and yet he could still tell something was bothering her. When he finally arrived in front of resident Gilmore he softly shook Rory to wake her up. She slowly got up and Jess walked her to the door making sure that she got in. Before Rory was about to walk in her house She turned to Jess.

"Thanks Jess." She simply said and gave him a kiss on the cheek then entered her house.

As Jess walked back to his car he kept feeling a tingling flutter in his stomach and he knew that he was in Big Trouble.

_**A/N- uh-oh who knows what that means? Sorry this chapter is so late. I had the stupid TAKS test errg!! anyway review review review!!**_


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